tonight is the big night where i mix my worlds and upload a picture to the blog. initially intended for instagram, with insta-sharing to facebook evidently.
i've recently started mixing my other worlds too.
-french world with a lebanese accent (lebanese, not arabic, and frenchie lebanese, make no mistake)
-lebano-arabic world with a frenchie attitude rooted in an unorthodoxly deeply Lebanese family (we all think our family is unorthodox right? to avoid saying unique. intellectual people know that unique is dépassé, an ordinary unspecial desire).
-american world with a sorority wannabe accent, as my sister likes to call it {that really started when starbucks would not understand that i wanted a cup of water. wo-terr. i could've accepted the curious looks. or "unparanoid" the look for what it might have been: the tired one of an underpayed starbucks employee who couldn't care less about an accent. yet i now say waaate'. and Gad instead of God. you gotta follow the music}
.
and as many times as it has happened that a patient, or a consultant, or a nurse has appreciated me for my work, or alternatively has not appreciated bad work with no accent from another, i still can't get it into my head that the accent is not the savior, nor is it the issue. it is not the accent that pleases or turns people away.
that's all dandy, although let's leave the whole people pleasing, acceptance seeking (or really just strong opinion seeking) idol for another post. the latter might very well include how the accent has been a heart issue this whole time. eureka.
back to the picture
i've recently started mixing my other worlds too.
-french world with a lebanese accent (lebanese, not arabic, and frenchie lebanese, make no mistake)
-lebano-arabic world with a frenchie attitude rooted in an unorthodoxly deeply Lebanese family (we all think our family is unorthodox right? to avoid saying unique. intellectual people know that unique is dépassé, an ordinary unspecial desire).
-american world with a sorority wannabe accent, as my sister likes to call it {that really started when starbucks would not understand that i wanted a cup of water. wo-terr. i could've accepted the curious looks. or "unparanoid" the look for what it might have been: the tired one of an underpayed starbucks employee who couldn't care less about an accent. yet i now say waaate'. and Gad instead of God. you gotta follow the music}
.
and as many times as it has happened that a patient, or a consultant, or a nurse has appreciated me for my work, or alternatively has not appreciated bad work with no accent from another, i still can't get it into my head that the accent is not the savior, nor is it the issue. it is not the accent that pleases or turns people away.
that's all dandy, although let's leave the whole people pleasing, acceptance seeking (or really just strong opinion seeking) idol for another post. the latter might very well include how the accent has been a heart issue this whole time. eureka.
back to the picture
well that is not as great a picture as instagram would've made it to be. filtering away the ordinary into art.
but i'm keeping it since i announced a picture
what am i going to do, delete all the above ramblings triggered by the picture announcement?
there's something you need to know about me. i don't do starting over. but i persevere. or evolve.
i wonder if starting over even exists. it's never the same bouncing ground, when you re-start something based on the lessons from your non-successes.
the picture says 07:55 AM.
which to some, is the time they come back from their run
some can run at 11 AM in 105 F and indulgently smile at my rookie, red, puffy and drenched face as they are expertly hopping out.
some people's warm ups are other people's half marathons.
some people's change of heart is the victory.
and isn't amazing how God just nudges your heart, just as little as He knows you can handle, to change what you didn't even imagine could be better differently. and He makes every change unique.
from idolizing sleep and despising early morning risers- if not early-rising for what the world has told us productivity entails-to what I consider uncoerced early rising for me.
i woke up willingly, no snoozing.
coffee and other addictions still require rising 45 mns prior. He will probably make me change that, and when i rebel, just change it Himself.
baby steps for big heart changes.
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