Wednesday, October 23, 2013

where i have been

the question is really who and not where i have been. a puppet on a wild string. an unpraying untrusting believer attempting to control her future with endless to-do lists. boards were over early october and the job search was on hold for lack of mental boxes to fit it in.

and then Haiti happened.

after being indoors and in-boards all summer, unsuccessfully hiding my irritation at the excitement that was squealed and posted about Haiti-the return, i also discovered that running away on a gateway-to-the-west weekend instead of resetting my brain at home is less than therapeutic at my age.

with less than 24 hours to pack, thankfully with much less debilitating anxiety than last year about now-familiar Haiti mechanics, i questioned the wisdom of booking this trip on a whim. (not that much had been weighed and measured and artfully planned in my life till now). my world was probably going to collapse during these five days, and i was too tired to care. so i just got on that plane.

and then Haiti happened.





flying into Haiti i was struck by how big, how powerful, how mighty the creator of all this is.



He holds the earth in the palm of His hand and knows each of us by name.













i didn't remember seeing all this the first time we were flying in. our plane was three hours late then and it was dark outside. i had been scared and tired, and my heart was still blind to the extent of God's love.

this time, i was excited (that had kicked in as soon as we left the kcmo tarmac) and missed the people who, while I wasn't looking , had crept into my heart and weaved the colors of friendship.

 



 


oh how He can use a storm and a plane delay to hide more of His glory for a little while longer, while he prepares and refines us. He knows that our hearts will fail to see the big picture, that they need to be led step by step and cared for, and protected from themselves.


 

 

God created these mountains diving into sparkly salty waters. He was in control when the ground shook and the mud overflowed. He cares for the land and for each and every one of their souls.

 

 
 my heart, the one where He lives and where they live is broken today, by the love that i 've received and the glory that i witnessed. broken by prayers that have been answered, and answers that awaken the awe of a God who listens and pulls you closer than you can imagine.


"I have been telling you that I love you, that I listen to you, that I will answer you. that I have given you life. that I have given you the most beautiful gift ever given, that I have given you myself, your creator. I will keep blessing you and giving you better gifts than you have ever imagined. I will open you eyes so you can see the gifts that I give you and I will look at your face and smile at your surprise and delight in your thanksgiving. why are you surprised, why do you still doubt?"

 

God had happened. in Haiti. and in Kansas City. and in His world, not mine. His world did not collapse during these five days. and who i am is someone to whom He keeps showing how beautiful His world is.
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